Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Growing Up, part 9

A German Youth
Grown up in Germany in the 1960s and 1970s

   With moving up to secondary school came many big changes. As I came from primary school 5th grade I repeated the 5th grade in secondary school. I was one of the oldest students but had some classmates were downgraded from grammar school.
   Secondary school was further away, it took me 15 minutes by bike one way and nearly 45 minutes by bus because I had to change the bus at least once. The school was not far away from my grandmother's house but I've never went there before or after school. She, my mother's mom, lived in Eastern Prussia, before and during the war a part of Germany. But in the winter of 1944-1945, as the Russian advanced, they fled Königsberg (or Kaliningrad as it is known in Russian today) in fear of retaliation. As my grandmother told us they left everything there except for the things they could carry, and were never allowed to return. 
   They fled in a train full civilians which was attacked by the Russians. As she protected her children one bullet shattered her left arm and grazed my mother's back nearly destroying her lungs. My grandmother's left forearm had to be amputated, my mother felt the pain especially after sudden changes in weather in her back for the rest of her life.    
   As I had already two semesters in English I was one of the best in class. My most memorable teacher during the whole secondary school (the next 6 years) had been this  female English teacher. She was very interested in my miserable family life and spend a lot of time to listen and to encourage me. She was the first who recognized that I developed a kind of hump which all of my sisters have too. I did not walk nor stand straight, my shoulders were bent forward. My mother said that we inherited this posture from my father but children without confidence living in a discouraging environment see no reason to be proud about themselves...
   In the beginning of the 1970s smoking was big in Germany. The secondary school had a 'smoking corner' where teachers and students alike could smoke. As my father was a heavy chain smoker I did not have interest in doing so myself. As a truck driver he seldom took shower on the road, as long as I remember he carried the 'aura of cold smoke' with him. In his car he had a real lambskin which he rarely washed, the smoke stuck heavily in the fur.
   The relationship between my parents did not change at all. My mother was still dominating while my weak father drunk his youth and his responsibilities away. Sometimes I wondered how my mother, a real miser herself, could afford coats made of real fur. It was not until my elder sister told me that each time, my father was caught with a girlfriend, he bought a coat to appease her. For a few weeks they tried to get along until the volcano exploded again...
   My father was Catholic and my mother, a reformed Christian. As a child I was baptized but have to attend a confirmation (lat. 'consolidation', 'recognition') in my teens. This means that I had to go to church for class once a week for roughly 9 months. In this class we had been taught in the scriptures of the Old and New Testaments, had to learn some church rules, the meaning of Christmas and Eastern but also Whitsunday (or Pentecost) etc. I liked to attend the lessons very much; the pastor was also my religion teacher. He was an 'open' Christian, I remember the outrage when he let a band play in church.

Day of confirmation as a full member of the church, 
me standing beside of the pastor 

   From him I've learned not to count on humans but to trust in the Lord. He told us that everyone and everything has a reason, might it seem good or bad in the moment. He also encouraged me to attend the Sunday worship which I did without the consent of my parents. I let them argue at home, my own joy and 'salvation' came from God himself. Many elder church members asked me why I come alone - I did not know how and did not want to answer. Writing this I still believe my foundation of the faith was build right there between God and me, a very lonely teenager in much need of affection.

(to be continued)       
   

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