Growing Up, part 5

A German Youth

Grown up in Germany in the 1960s and 1970s

   Primary school was a big change but an even bigger challenge for me. It was a time away from home, the first steps into an independent life. This means that many ‘daily’ challenges like finding friends, arranging your stuff and material, homework etc. depend solely on the student. But unfortunately I was very bad prepared for these things.

   Not only my mother’s education of children was, except for suppressing, controlling and scolding, nonexistent but she also did not participate in the school life at all. I was like that she did her part like getting us prepared for school, supplying breakfast was her obligation and after we left for school it was her leisure time. Returning from school we had to do the homework which was not her responsibility but ours. She never asked any questions or had only interest in the grades at the end of each semester. My father was even colder towards his children-we hardly talked about anything not to mention school or education in general.

   I was not a slow learner; I was with in the first 5-6 students in a class of 24-27 students. My weakness was that I did not have any confidence at all and this triggered many other difficulties like being shy, passive and defensive. While others actively participated in class I was sitting attentive but did not take much part. When the teacher called my name I could answer the question but could not articulate them in front of others.

   Writing tests was a quite different subject. I’ve got a paper or a theme and just wrote for 40 minutes what came to my mind and that was it. Me and the subject and a paper – this was my way of learning.

   Each semester the teacher invited the parents to a parent-teacher conference two times. On these evenings the teacher informs the parents about their class in general and about the student individually. My mother never showed up. Later as an adult I’ve asked her why she did not attend any parent-teacher conference during my many years studying in various schools she seriously replied “because I felt shame about my children!” I never drank, never smoked, never took drugs, never ran away, never beat someone, did never steal etc.…Until today, in my 50s, I do not know and understand what I did to let my mother feel this way.

   For me it was not easy to connect to other people much less to find friend. I had one neighbor who was about the same age who sometimes showed some interest in my life.  He was the first one who invited me to his birthday party, his mother was very friendly to me. Sometimes we played the good cop and bad guy on bikes where we were chasing each others on Bonanza bikes, a rage at that time. We even liked the same girl living on the 2^nd floor... When his parents had a chance to move out from the social housing into the city this was a great personal loss for me.

My 3 speed 'Bonanza' bike ready for school

   While he was still living in our community his mother sent him once a week to learn the Japanese martial art Judo in the local Police Sports Club (Polizeisportverein). A club in Germany is a non-profit association for the benefit of the society. So my mother registered me there too. The fee was very low, as I remember she paid annually (!) German Mark 26 (=Euro 13.00 = USD 16.00). Another chapter and very different world in my life opened when I stepped into the gym.

   The first time I attended the trial training I did not have a judo uniform, just wore some sport outfit. Once I like it, my mother invested in the proper uniform which was not a small investment at that time. From this moment on I felt as a true Judoka, the proper name of a male student of this form of martial arts.

a Judoka

(to be continued)