Growing Up, part 3

A German Youth

Grown up in Germany in the 1960s and 1970s

18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

20  But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man.”

24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2)

   My father was a Catholic from Bavaria and my mother a Christian who came after the 2nd world war as refugee running away from Russian troops which closed in Prussia (German: Preußen or Preussen) which belongs to Poland today. I was the 2nd child of their 4 children and the only son born to them.

   When I was born my parents lived in an apartment in Reutlingen, a city in the southern part of Germany. This apartment was within the shadows of the reformed St. Mary’s Church (German: Marienkirche) which was built in the Gothic style between 1247-1343. According to my mother I was baptized together with my younger sister in this historical building.

   I was too small to remember this apartment. Once my mother showed me a photo when I was playing with a real rabbit in the floor of the living room. Not much later my parents moved into the suburbs after the city government finished building social housing for low-income and multi-child families.

   My real first own memory had something to do with this new apartment. My mother had the ‘gift’ to throw her children into the water just to see them to rescue themselves. As the only boy I got my own room before my kindergarten age (about 6 years old). Immediately after we moved into the new place my mother put me in the bed, turned off the light and closed the door. I was left alone in a new room in the dark and cried for a very long time holding my teddy bear real tight until I finally fell asleep still in tears!

   As long as I remember my mother liked to play the ‘whom I like and whom I do not like game.’ To my sisters I was the favorite of my mother which I did not like this at all. Every parent should respect and treat each one in the same way but my mother got excited to play off her children against each other. When, for example, I did something well she bragged about me in front of my sisters in a way that even I, as   t h e   shiny example, could not stand. The person who did good was allowed into her inner circle of ‘friends’ while the others had to remain on the outside and left with ‘a cold shoulder’ There was a constant competition between the children to gain the mother’s favor, in the process each put the other down or discredited one another in front of my mother who did not hide her pleasure about it.

The son of a trucker

   In this very unhealthy family there was a constant arguing and sometimes even physically fighting not only between my parents but was quickly picked up by the children. As I had my own room I turned this into my inner castle. I did not really join the life of my family, did not want to live and accept this environment of fighting and jealousy; I refused to join my sisters in the quest of favoritism. On the contrary I suffered a lot from the constant quarrels between my parents which sometimes turned really nasty.

   As long as I remember I had the habit to pray before sleeping; I don’t know when or how it developed. After going to bed I immediately put my fingers together and started “Father in heaven”…This habit progressed to a point where I’ve sent two prayers, one for me and one prayer in my teddy bear’s voice. Of course, the voice of a stuffed toy cannot be heard by everyone but by me and, that I was sure, God was listening…

(to be continued)