A German Youth
Grown up in Germany in the 1960s and 1970s
Preface (continued)
In this environment (father: alcoholic, mother: violent Nazi) it might be easy to understand that I did neither had a happy nor exciting childhood or youth. I'd rather carried a kind of 'guilt' with me. A "Guilty to be born" or as my mother put it "Why did Goethe have to die and you are still alive?"
In this environment (father: alcoholic, mother: violent Nazi) it might be easy to understand that I did neither had a happy nor exciting childhood or youth. I'd rather carried a kind of 'guilt' with me. A "Guilty to be born" or as my mother put it "Why did Goethe have to die and you are still alive?"
When my classmates bragged after their summer holidays, their destinations and experiences I listened quietly in amazement because we as a family did neither go anywhere nor undertook anything at all. It seemed there was just a waiting that the free days will pass soon and we could go back to school. Holidays were like any given day just instead of going to school we stayed at home.
I spent most of the time in my room reading books. In a world of constantly fighting parents and a very dominant mother ("As long as you put your legs under my table you do what I say!") I somehow did not turn to violence, alcohol or even smoking to cope with it but rather I 'let it go' by turning into my world of books.
While the world of my parents might tare itself apart my room became a window to another, a loving, sunny and adventurous world. I lived with Robinson Crusoe on the remote island, I understood and participated in the fights of the 'Last of the Mohicans' and traveled with Phileas Fogg in '80 days around the world' and visited with him the most exotic places in the world.
When I started reading I've tried to share with my family but soon realized that they were not interested. But I could not stop reading; in every book I found so many interesting thoughts, ideas and locations I've never heard of and were very hungry to discover more and more.
Sometimes I caught myself, for example when we were eating, that I unintentionally looked at each and every family member still in thoughts of the last book and could not help but felt a kind of pity for them, especially my parents. I had the notion that I've found in these stories a key out of our misery of a broken and sometimes very violent family into a positive and magic world where people were of course fight too but also knew how to reconcile and to forgive each other. But they just seemed too busy fighting each other and overlooked this small but important key which could be a blessing for the own good. Despite all the violence and even hate in my family the feeling of empathy for others started at a very young age, when I was around 10 years old.
Some people might think that my childhood and youth might be wasted time because the parents did not what they should do, to create a save and loving environment, to teach and take part in the growth of their children, support and encourage them. All of this my parents did not do or give to me. But from these years I could gain experiences which I would not only miss but were very helpful in my later life. From a very young age I've learned that I should not be discouraged through disappointments and setbacks but should learn from them and continue to walk upright.
Watching my father drinking his responsibilities as head of the family away and seeing his own self-elected life as an excuse to drown in alcohol I was and still convinced that I should be grateful for the chance to be in this world and that people can have control to a certain degree over their life.
My father gave up much too early to fight for himself but rather fought not only with this 3 (!) wives and 8 own and stepchildren. As a result he left this world alone with no one beside him.
Despite of all the difficulties and setbacks in my childhood and youth I have always been an optimist and very thankful for my own family, my wife and my daughter. This gratitude turned this boy, who was, according to his parents, a 'disappointment' and 'useless' child, into a responsible husband and father and a successful entrepreneur. In my free time I am helping people to cope with their life and preach the Gospels.
As a young 'never-do-well', as my mother often called me, it would be unthinkable that I will become against my parents odds that I would invite neighbors and church members in my own home to read the Bible together, to explain and discuss the words of the Lord and that he would be asked about his personal advice and opinion. This 'loser' would never imagine that people would wait for him like a teacher and shepherd not only helping but also healing people.
Life can be so beautiful, when you just believe that each and every life has it's purpose, that everyone has his or her own talents, that everyone is originally the precious child of God. It took some time not to trust in humans but rather to trust in this father in heaven and hold on to this faith with confidence when the going gets tough and feel alone.
(to be continued...)
I spent most of the time in my room reading books. In a world of constantly fighting parents and a very dominant mother ("As long as you put your legs under my table you do what I say!") I somehow did not turn to violence, alcohol or even smoking to cope with it but rather I 'let it go' by turning into my world of books.
While the world of my parents might tare itself apart my room became a window to another, a loving, sunny and adventurous world. I lived with Robinson Crusoe on the remote island, I understood and participated in the fights of the 'Last of the Mohicans' and traveled with Phileas Fogg in '80 days around the world' and visited with him the most exotic places in the world.
When I started reading I've tried to share with my family but soon realized that they were not interested. But I could not stop reading; in every book I found so many interesting thoughts, ideas and locations I've never heard of and were very hungry to discover more and more.
Sometimes I caught myself, for example when we were eating, that I unintentionally looked at each and every family member still in thoughts of the last book and could not help but felt a kind of pity for them, especially my parents. I had the notion that I've found in these stories a key out of our misery of a broken and sometimes very violent family into a positive and magic world where people were of course fight too but also knew how to reconcile and to forgive each other. But they just seemed too busy fighting each other and overlooked this small but important key which could be a blessing for the own good. Despite all the violence and even hate in my family the feeling of empathy for others started at a very young age, when I was around 10 years old.
Some people might think that my childhood and youth might be wasted time because the parents did not what they should do, to create a save and loving environment, to teach and take part in the growth of their children, support and encourage them. All of this my parents did not do or give to me. But from these years I could gain experiences which I would not only miss but were very helpful in my later life. From a very young age I've learned that I should not be discouraged through disappointments and setbacks but should learn from them and continue to walk upright.
Watching my father drinking his responsibilities as head of the family away and seeing his own self-elected life as an excuse to drown in alcohol I was and still convinced that I should be grateful for the chance to be in this world and that people can have control to a certain degree over their life.
 |
My
father and me
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Despite of all the difficulties and setbacks in my childhood and youth I have always been an optimist and very thankful for my own family, my wife and my daughter. This gratitude turned this boy, who was, according to his parents, a 'disappointment' and 'useless' child, into a responsible husband and father and a successful entrepreneur. In my free time I am helping people to cope with their life and preach the Gospels.
As a young 'never-do-well', as my mother often called me, it would be unthinkable that I will become against my parents odds that I would invite neighbors and church members in my own home to read the Bible together, to explain and discuss the words of the Lord and that he would be asked about his personal advice and opinion. This 'loser' would never imagine that people would wait for him like a teacher and shepherd not only helping but also healing people.
Life can be so beautiful, when you just believe that each and every life has it's purpose, that everyone has his or her own talents, that everyone is originally the precious child of God. It took some time not to trust in humans but rather to trust in this father in heaven and hold on to this faith with confidence when the going gets tough and feel alone.
(to be continued...)
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